Traveling to Inner Space

Here’s a post I wrote 4 years ago today.

It’s about the darker places your mind can go.

And what to do to come back to yourself.

It ties in well with the topic today in my 5-Day Challenge: Emotional eating.

You can still join us in the Challenge and catch up on what you missed.

Just click on the link above to take you there.

Have a fantastic August 18th.

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There are times when I let my mind get high-jacked by the dark side.

Like yesterday…

I belong to a Facebook group for a business course I’m doing.

So yesterday I went in there looking to ask a question about a particular subject that I was having trouble with.

While in there, I came across several posts from other students who seemed to be WAY ahead of where I was.

It looked like they had it all together, and really seemed to get it…

While I, on the other hand, felt like I was scattered all over the place, obviously lacking focus, and not getting it at all.

Within seconds I was lost in thoughts of “What’s wrong with me?”

My mind set sail on a negative journey that would lead me absolutely nowhere productive.  I didn’t even ask the question I wanted to ask in the first place.

Basically, I allowed myself to fall into what I call the “rabbit hole of worthlessness.”

Have you been down that rabbit hole too?

Like Alice in Wonderland, I let my mind spin out of control until I eventually land on the bottom of the hole, feeling lost, purposeless, and wondering “Why am I here?”

The thing that keeps triggering me to step into this hole in the first place, is comparison.

Marie Forleo, one of my teachers, refers to this feeling as drinking Compare-Schlager (if you’ve ever had a shot of Goldschlager, you’ll know how nasty that can make you feel!)

When I fall into this trap, I’m allowing myself to believe that everyone else’s grass is greener.

Although logically I know it’s not true ( I don’t really think their life is perfect… or do I?  Hmmm…), there’s something perversely tempting about going to this place.

And it’s not only comparison to others, but comparison to where I think I should be at this point in my life, my career, my fitness… and on and on.

Basically, I’m looking at what appears to be going on outside me (outer space), and using that to validate my inner worthiness or worthlessness (inner space).

And of course, that’s a big problem.

Because I’ll never measure up!

It’s a lose-lose situation.

All that I’ll ever see, if I keep gazing longingly into outer space, is that there’s always something or someone better than me:   People who are smarter, more attractive, more successful, better mothers, better wives, better friends, better coaches…

And that’s because I’m only comparing the weakest part of myself with the strongest parts of what others are willing to show me.

As humans, we tend to display the delightful, and are reluctant to share the sh*%.  (This is true in real life and on Facebook.)

Now, I wanted to bring this topic up today because I know that we’re all suffering in some aspect of our lives.  And we don’t need to.

Somehow we keep getting stuck in a rabbit hole, feeling bad about ourselves, and not having a clue how to get out.

I know it because I work with women who are trying to get healthier and lose weight.  A journey that can typically be loaded with rabbit holes.

If you’ve been on this journey yourself, maybe you recognize the following indications that you’ve fallen down a hole…

• Beating yourself up over extra pounds or calories
• Referring to yourself as having been “bad”
• Making yourself feel like garbage for not getting your workouts done
• Looking to the scale for validation…

Sound familiar?

These are all signs that you may be stuck in comparison to another person or a made-up ideal in your mind… and you’re feeling a little (or a lot) worthless.

And feeling worthless is the bottom of the bottom.  It’s dark and disorienting and lonely.

But I hope today to give you some light.

I want to share with you a way out of the rabbit hole.

It’s what I use to climb out of the dark and into the light, and it makes life a whole lot brighter.

It’s a ladder.

But it’s a ladder that you’ve got to build yourself, rung by rung, putting in a little time each day.

And to make that ladder strong enough to support you, the rungs can’t be made up of fleeting things like pounds lost, extra miles run, smaller jeans, or “good” days.

All these things change from moment to moment, they’re unstable.  If you use them to build your ladder, you will stay stuck in the hole.

Instead your ladder has to be made of something that will stay strong and intact, no matter what life throws at it.

And that strong stuff comes from a deeper, more rooted place that doesn’t change with the numbers on the scale.

It’s a place that can’t be accessed by doing anything.

It can only be found when you’re willing to sit still and feel what’s really going on.

If you’re not used to facing what’s going on inside your head, this “sitting still and feeling it” may sound pretty challenging, and maybe even a little scary.

So, for example, if you’re the kind of person who never stops, and prides herself on being busy, it won’t be easy to slow down and be alone, in silence, with your thoughts.

It may just be downright terrifying.

But, honestly, the only way to climb out of the rabbit hole of worthlessness is to bring yourself to this place of stillness…

For a few minutes, every day.

Doing it once every so often will give you a glimpse into what’s possible, but doing it every day guarantees a way out of the hole every time.

Now what exactly do I mean by stillness, and what does it look like?

Stillness is a place where you can focus without distraction,  close your eyes, and be open to receiving whatever shows up.  

It may not be pretty, sitting there and really paying attention to your inner space.  But it will be real and honest and it will, over time, strengthen you.

And there are many ways you can do stillness…

In stillness, you can focus on your body, and what it’s feeling.

If food is your drug of choice, then this kind of stillness is for you.  

Just take a few minutes and do an internal body scan, exploring how each part of your body feels.  

You may just figure out what your body needs… Is it really food? Is it water? Is it rest? Or is it a big ‘ol hug?

In stillness, you can concentrate on a positive thought or gratitude.

If you’re feeling particularly down in the dumps about the cards life has dealt you, then use your stillness to focus on one good thing that happened in the past 24 hours.

Relive the details of it and let the positive vibe fill you up.

This is especially effective when you’re having a “bad” day.

In stillness, you can put all your attention on inhaling and exhaling.

If you’re just looking to relax and get away from the daily stress of your life, then focus on your breathing as you sit in stillness.  

The beauty of your breath is that it’s always wherever you are.  

This means you can use it to escape, no matter where you happen to be.

In stillness, you may be sitting alone, but you end up feeling a heightened sense of connection to something much bigger.

The best part of this process is the realization that you belong. 

You belong to something much more significant than just your human body or your family or your village, or your country. 

You’re connected to a whole universe that supports and nurtures your being.

This may sound a little woo-woo to you right now (I used to think so), but with practice you’ll be woo-woo too.

Now, if sitting still is tough at first, consider guided visualizations or meditations.

Headspace is a great app to try if you’re new to this.

For me, although I’m not a perfect meditator, I know that when I do consistently sit in stillness, any “problems” I feel I’m having, literally shrink.

Sitting still reminds me that I’m a unique piece of a giant puzzle.  

And when I feel this strong sense of belonging, then whatever’s causing me to feel anxious or worthless (like I don’t fit into this puzzle) becomes small and insignificant.

You can’t buy this kind of peace of mind.

It can never come from a hot new dress, a hot new guy, losing 20 pounds, gaining more knowledge, or quitting your job.

All these things are related to the outside, physical world, or outer space.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want them, it just means they aren’t the answers to feeling better about yourself in the long run.

The answers lie inside you, within your own inner space.

And I’m not making this stuff up, it’s actually ancient knowledge…

Sitting still in meditation or prayer or contemplation has always been a significant part of every religion.

Because humans have always known that what’s deep inside you, connects you to the universe (or God, or spirit, or source energy, … or whatever you feel comfortable calling it)

And when you suffer, like you do when you feel worthless, it’s because you’ve lost this connection and you feel separate from everything and everyone.

Being disconnected feels like nobody gets you, that they wouldn’t understand, and that you’re alone and worthless.

In other words, being disconnected is like being stuck at the bottom of the rabbit hole.

But now you’ve got a way out… You can build a ladder.

So, make your ladder strong, reinforce it with deep moments of stillness, and use it to discover how amazing you are, and to feel the support and love of the connection you share with the world around you.

Are you ready to be still?

Taking it to the next level…

As a coach, the most challenging and rewarding part of what I do isn’t about the body or the food…

It’s about the MIND.

Weight gain, fatigue, overeating, and undereating have roots in your mind, and are likely linked to self-defeating feelings, like worthlessness as I mentioned above.

Getting still is one way of training the mind, and releasing yourself from self-defeating energy.

But, obviously, the mind works together with the body.  

So moving your body, and feeding your body what it needs, are also ways to release yourself from lower energy.

Every day I work with my clients on mindset, movement, and nourishment.

They’re all connected.

Just like we are.

Keep moving forward,

Debbie

P.S. If you’re ready to let go of your own self-defeating energy, and move forward, get on a call with me this week: https://calendly.com/debbie-harbec-coaching/free-consultation