Presence for Mother’s Day

Here in Canada, this Sunday is Mother’s Day.

I know for some, it’s just a commercial holiday.

But for a lot of us, it’s a day we spend time with our moms and families.

Or we take time to remember those moms in our lives that have passed.

In my case, it’s the one day each year that I go visit my mom’s grave.

And I bring her a single flower…

A bird of paradise.

Flowers

It was her favorite.

Just three years before she passed away, my brothers and I surprised my parents with plane tickets to Hawaii for their 25^th wedding anniversary.

My parents had never been on a plane together.

And they’d never been to Hawaii.

Looking back, I’m so grateful we did that when we did.

They had an amazing, unforgettable trip.

And my mom came home talking about this flower she’d discovered…

The tall and spectacular bird of paradise.

So, when the next Mother’s Day rolled around, I got her a bouquet of tropical flowers…

Crowned with that one orange and purple bloom.

I only had three Mother’s Days where I got to give her that flower in person.

For the past twenty-two years, I’ve had to settle for placing it in a vase on her grave stone.

And last year, that event led to a huge a-ha moment.

Stolen

Last Mother’s Day, I went to the cemetery.

Bird of paradise in one hand, bottle of water in the other.

The stone on my mother’s grave has a vase that you can pull out and place flowers in.

Usually, I place the flower, along with some greenery in the vase, pour the water in, and it can stay beautiful for weeks.  

But last Mother’s Day, there was no vase in her stone.

It was gone.

Stolen.

And I noticed it was the same for all the stones around my mother’s, they were all vandalized.

I felt myself getting angry.

The thought of someone going around and doing that infuriated me.

And just like that, I was gone.

My one trip to the cemetery, a peaceful moment with my mom, and I was lost in my head.

Presence

That one incident could have ruined my Mother’s Day.

It could have ruined my week, or even my year.

It could have consumed me.

And I could have complained about it, or talked about how society has gone down the tubes to anyone that would listen.

But I stopped.

I saw myself going down that drain, and I just stopped.

I took a breath… Several breaths.

And I came back.

Calm, present.

It’s not that what happened was ok.

It’s that I wasn’t ok.

And I wanted to be there, in the moment, and not have that be stolen, too.

I knew that I couldn’t change what happened, but I could change my mind.

A few years ago, I didn’t know I could do that.

And that small shift in perspective, in that moment last Mother’s Day, made me realize how far I’ve come.

It was a full circle moment.

Because the only reason I’ve learned to let things go, is because of losing my mom.

When she died, it sent a ripple through the fabric of my life, and everything shifted.

What really mattered became a lot clearer.

And everything else…

Well, it’s just not worth my time or my energy.

I’m not perfect at this.

I don’t always get it right, and my mind still carries me away sometimes.

But with all I’ve learned about yoga, breathing, meditation, coaching, thoughts, feelings, and myself…

I’m able to catch it faster.

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So, what I wish for you this Mother’s Day is presence.

Take a moment, or many moments, to breathe in what’s good right now.

Feel yourself smile and allow that smile to spread to your whole body.

That’s joy.

Notice what that joy feels like.

You can experience today, or anytime you want.

No one can ever steal that from you.

Happy Mother’s Day,

Debbie

P.S. I’d love to hear from you. You can always reach out to me at debbie@debbieharbeccoaching.com or leave a comment below.