Waiting line at the grocery store, I was thinking:
“This basket is heavy, I just want to put this down… Doesn’t she see me standing here with all this stuff? Why doesn’t she move her things forward so I can put my basket down. Oh look! The cash next to me is opening… I’ll just go over… Oh no, he just took my spot! Can’t he see that I’m carrying this heavy basket? What’s wrong with him??”
Nope, not proud to admit that this stuff was going through my head.
I’m a yoga teach after all, I should be more zen than this… Right?
And yet this impatience and frustration with other people shows up in my head, seemingly more often these days.
Is it just because I’m getting older?
Well, possibly yes.
Apparently not only do fluctuating hormones cause your body to change in unwanted ways, they can also affect your mind and emotions.
Either directly through a significant reduction in estrogen and oxytocin (the bonding/love hormone.)
But also indirectly by disturbing your sleep cycle, causing you night sweats, or draining your energy with each hot flash.
Of course I’ve already mentioned in previous posts how and what you could eat and do to help reduce these issues.
But if you’re going through menopause, you’re likely to experience more impatience and generally more negative thoughts and feelings.
The good news is that impatience is great for learning… It provides you with the opportunity to get wiser, and not just older. 😉
So what can the feeling of impatience teach us?
Feeling impatient with other people makes you feel like things are happening TO YOU rather than just happening.
Feeling impatient is a signal that you’re taking things personally.
(Ever read “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz? Check out Agreement #2.)
When you take things personally, you’re making things about YOU even though they likely don’t have anything to do with you.
Like the guy who “took my spot” in line at the store…
He wasn’t purposely trying to make my life miserable by making me stand there with a heavy basket. He was just being him.
I took it personally. I made it about me.
The thing is, the more you make things about you, and think and talk about the negative things you think are happening to you, you’ll just feel more negative.
And that, in turn, will make you feel more alone and disconnected from other people.
So, the answer to turning around the feeling of impatience is CONNECTION.
You can get more CONNECTED by noticing your impatience, frustration, and general negativity, and choosing COMPASSION.
Even when it’s hard.
Especially when it’s hard.
For example, when I thought that the guy in the grocery store had taken my spot, I decided to became aware of this thought.
I tried instead to turn it around, and put myself in his shoes.
I was going for feeling CONNECTED, rather than defaulting to impatience.
I won’t say I wasn’t tempted to keep following my negativity and assume he was a selfish s.o.b. (which would have been, let’s face it, the easier thing to do.)
But I made a conscious decision – despite my negative thoughts and a whole lot of resistance – to think “He’s likely not even aware I’m standing here; he’s probably got a lot on his mind, and maybe he’s going through some stuff at home. Who am I to judge?”
And that compassion, choosing to connect with him despite not being the easy choice, make me feel a whole lot better.
Because I was thinking about him, and it wasn’t about me.
And that positive feeling carried over into all the other stuff I did that that day.
I even went to bed feeling good about it!
However, if I had’ve followed my temptation to be impatient, I know I would’ve come home and complained about the guy in the grocery store who was so self-centered that he made me stand in line holding my 20-lb basket for what felt like an eternity.
And I would’ve felt justified in my negativity, and getting it “off my chest.”
But I would’ve ultimately felt a whole lot more negative.
Not to mention I’d have made the others, to whom I was spewing this negative information, feel a whole lot more negative, too.
And I don’t want to be that person.
I REALLY don’t want to become a bitter, old woman when I grow up.
The thing is, no matter if it’s the selfish guy at the grocery store, or the annoying woman trying to sell you something on the phone, or your nagging mother commenting on your less-than-perfectly-clean home, each one of them needs your compassion.
Because it’s safe to assume that everyone is struggling.
And they’re all desperate for compassion and connection.
You, me, and everyone else on the planet.
And by feeling compassion towards others, especially when you think it’s YOU who deserves it from THEM, is the most powerful thing you can do to turn around your impatience and frustration.
I know it’s counter-intuitive, and you’ll face a lot of resistance inside yourself doing it, but it works.
All of the time.
So, if you find yourself feeling more impatient lately, don’t let that define the new menopausal you.
Instead make a conscious effort (yes, it will be an effort) to choose compassionate thoughts.
Focus on the other person, and create a connection with them in your mind.
Then keep moving forward,
Debbie
P.S. I’m working on a new group program because I think that CONNECTION with others is a powerful, positive, propelling force. It works.
So if you’re peri- or full-on menopausal, you want to lose some belly fat as well as some weight, and you’re ready to feel a whole lot more positive, then this group could be for you.
It’s called BELLY FIT AND FABULOUS. Just click on the link to find out more.