Self-love and “Women, Food, and God”

If you haven’t yet read any of Geneen Roth’s work, I really suggest you do.

In particular, her book “Women, Food, and God” is a gem.

And if weight loss doesn’t concern you, read it with whatever it is you DO want in mind.

Because she talks about what we put ourselves through to get the things we really want.

The things that consume us.

And in turn, what we consume to deal with the emotions of not having what we want.

It’s about this vicious cycle, this treadmill of self-torture so to speak.

But what I love about Geneen’s book, is that it’s really a love story.

It’s a book about learning to love yourself.

And if you enjoy love stories like I do (admittedly I’m a Hallmark movie junkie, as well as a sucker for all the Bridgerton books,) then you’ll appreciate how love conquers all.

Because, for the most part, our relationship with ourselves tends to read like a romance novel.

It’s full of twist and turns, and crime and punishment, and good and evil.

Until we finally (hopefully) give in and just love ourselves already.

But why does it need to be so complicated?

Why do we have to suffer to live happily ever after?

Well, we don’t.

Stories just make us believe we do.

Ideally, our love for ourselves would be so simple, plain, and maybe even boring enough not to be book-worthy.

Lately, I’ve been on a kind of self-love mission.

Because self-love, I believe, is needed now more than ever.

As we live through this ongoing pandemic, we aren’t necessarily in the company of those we love or who love us.

And we need to feel held, hugged, and touched.

But instead, many of us tearing ourselves apart.

Putting ourselves down.

Keeping ourselves small.

I see it in myself, and I hear it in my clients.

And it breaks my heart when I hear us berate ourselves

I hear stories of deprivation, self punishment, shaming, feeling unworthy, not being “good enough”, or being undeserving.

Oh, we can be masters in the art of treating ourselves badly.

And it’s so strange, because all we really want is to feel good.

Yet somehow, there’s an underlying belief that treating ourselves negatively will lead to positive results.

That suffering will get us what we want.

But what we fail to recognize, is that what we truly want is to feel good.

There’s a passage in the book that says “…I didn’t want the cookies; I wanted the way being allowed to have them made me feel: welcomed, deserving, adored.”

We all just want to feel those good feelings.

To feel at peace with who we are.

Peace from worrying about our weight, our finances, our job, our children, our spouses, our parents,…

And peace is, ironically, the opposite of suffering.

And we’re starving for this kind of peace.

As Geneen says, “spiritual hunger can never be solved on a physical level.”

We won’t find anything outside ourselves (food, a number on a scale, a dollar amount, a person to complete us,…) to fill the void.

It has to come from within.

So, what if we started by CHOOSING to feel good, and feel at peace with where we are right now.

What if we started with that, and didn’t make achieving our goals into a Netflix-worthy, 45-season series?

No more drama.

Just peace with our body.

Peace with our bank account.

Peace within our relationships.

And believe it or not, there is MOTIVATION in feeling good and peaceful.

In fact, there’s a lot more motivation in those feelings than in suffering.

Because who really wants to suffer? 

Put your hand up if you do…

I don’t see any hands.

No one WANTS to suffer.

Suffering isn’t the currency that will buy you peace.

And you don’t need to EARN peace and feeling good.

You get to CHOOSE it.

You don’t need to EARN your own love.

You get to CHOOSE to love yourself, warts and all, at this very moment.

By definition, love is unconditional.

It’s not given when you’re good, and take away when you’re bad.

Love yourself now.

You need it.

You deserve it.

Don’t wait until some future condition is met.

Start here, now.

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Does the idea of loving yourself make you feel uncomfortable?

Or do you love yourself already?

It’s taken me a while to be able to say “self-love” without cringing.

For some reason it sounds like a mix of corny and selfish (corn-fish?)

Anyhow, it’s still a work in progress for me.

When I look back, I see how far I’ve come.

And the road ahead looks easier.

For me, loving myself began by appeciating the things I’d done, being aware of what I liked about myself inside and out, and then accepting, finally, that I am deserving.

No matter what.

Even if I’m having a bad day, if I’ve made a mistake, if I feel ashamed.

I can more easily turn it around and feel compassion for myself.

Give myself a hug.

As per the Golden Rule we should “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

But in this context, I’d say “do unto yourself as you would do unto others.”

Because so much of the time we’re kinder to others than to ourselves.

And that comes at a price.

I’m no longer willing to pay that price.

Keep moving forward my friend,

Debbie

P.S. If you want to lose weight, without struggling and berating yourself, I’m taking on two new clients this month. Book a free consult or reply to this email and we’ll find a time to talk.