Years ago, I was taking a yoga class at work.
Every Monday and Wednesday, I’d bring my yoga mat to the office and at lunchtime I’d go down to the gym and take the 50-minute class.
It felt so good.
At the time, my kids were in elementary school, and I was divorced, so this was MY time.
One lunch hour, as I was walking down to the gym, a colleague stopped me.
He asked where I was going.
I said I was going to a yoga class.
And then he made a comment that really affected me.
He said, “I wish I had that kind of time.”
When he said it, I started to feel shame rise up in me.
His comment made me feel like I was lazy, like I wasn’t doing my job.
And I realize now that the only reason it bothered me was because, somewhere inside me, I believed him.
Part of me felt like I shouldn’t be taking this time for myself.
That it was selfish, and I should have been doing more work.
And I actually considered quitting the class.
The fear of being judged
Now, fast forward to today…
I’ve had years of experience coaching many women through situations like this.
They’ve been triggered by words, by looks, but mostly by their own thinking.
“What will they think of me?”
Fear of judgment is rampant in so many of us.
It’s keeping us from doing the things we really want to do.
It’s holding us hostage in situations we don’t want to be in.
And it’s a real barrier to our own physical and mental health.
So, what can we do about it?
Doing it anyways
To be honest, there’s still a small part of me that believes I’m lazy and selfish.
And perhaps that part of me will always exist.
But that doesn’t mean it has to control me or my choices.
Even though I think others may judge me as lazy or selfish, I can still take action despite that thought.
It may be uncomfortable, but I can do it.
I did it that day, when I showed up for that yoga class.
And then went on to become a yoga teacher and leave that company.
One way I was able to do that was to choose new, empowering thoughts and I started building evidence that those new thoughts were true.
Thoughts like “I can do hard things,” or “I’m taking care of me and that allows me to take better care of those I love.”
When I began to act from these new thoughts, I caused those old thought to fade.
What also helped were two truths that I’ve come to accept:
1. Judgment is always about the judger
Ironically, judgment from others has nothing to do with you.
It’s about the judger’s jealousy or their feelings of inadequacy.
So, continue to do you, and let them work out their own s#$%.
2. No matter what you do, you’ll be judged
You can never win if you’re trying to be free of the judgement of others.
Even if you’re the bestest, kindest, most generous person on the planet, people will judge you.
Even the people you love the most.
It’s human nature.
So, learn to stop looking around to see who’s watching.
Don’t wait for them to accept you or what you’re doing.
Instead, keep your eyes to yourself.
Trust in YOU.
Look at what you want, take the action that matters to you, and become the person you want to be.
Wiser
Part of aging is hopefully getting wiser.
In letting go, little by little, of the fear of judgment, we get wiser.
And part of that wisdom is knowing and believing in what you want.
So, acknowledge what you want.
If you want to be fitter, then take one action towards that today.
If you want to travel more, start planning.
If you want to leave your job and start a new adventure, get it done.
YOLO, right?
Then imagine that instead of judging you, everyone that matters is cheering you on.
That thought may just get you to where you want to be.
Keep moving forward,
Debbie
P.S. I’ll be talking more about topics like this in my upcoming webinar, Belly Fat: How to love and lose your peri/menopause belly on March 2nd… Join me and get strategies for feeling better in your peri/menopause body. And, it’s free!