What does balance mean to you?
Is it about splitting your time between doing the things you want to do and the things you don’t?
Or maybe it’s about managing your energy between pushing yourself and relaxing.
Balance is a simple word that can mean many things.
So, if you want balance, you need to define what it means to you if you’re going to achieve it.
And I think a good place to start is to notice how you’re feeling.
You feel when you’re in balance and when you’re not.
There’s no amount of time, or number of tasks that define balance.
You just know when you don’t have it.
It feels out of control.
It’s like being pulled in many directions at once, nothing getting done well, while feeling consistently overwhelmed, stressed, or guilty.
It can also show up in your body as pain or disease or being out of shape.
I used to live what felt like a very unbalanced life.
When I think back, there were very distinct signs that things weren’t in balance.
My temper was short, my food choices weren’t great, I was drinking more wine, and I was so tired because my sleep was terrible.
I felt overwhelmed and stressed.
And I also felt guilty because I wasn’t being the person I wanted to be with my kids and my partner.
In this particular instance my issue was in finding a work-life balance.
I was “doing it all” but not feeling good about it.
I never wanted to be juggling all those balls: A full-time job, traffic two hours a day, a home, kids, a partner, and my own health/fitness.
And yet, I found myself in exactly that position, and I didn’t like who I was being.
In addition to those feelings was a deeper feeling that I was a failure.
It felt like somehow everyone was able to handle this crazy lifestyle except me.
Of course, that wasn’t the case, but my mind was too frazzled to see that.
I’d ask myself, “Shouldn’t I want this life and be able to handle it all?”
But the honest truth was I didn’t want it, and I wasn’t handling it well.
I wanted to work, but I wanted to do work that had more meaning to me.
And I wanted to be more available for my family, and let go of constantly feeling torn between the demands of work and my personal life.
So, I quit.
I left the job because I believed it would bring me balance.
And it actually did.
Not only did I find that I was happier and calmer, but my health was better, and I felt more fulfilled in my work and my family life.
In contrast to when my life was out of balance, and I felt overwhelmed, stressed, and not good enough.
Of course, there’s nothing perfect, and being an entrepreneur definitely has its challenges.
But I realize that the challenges feel balanced because the work has meaning to me.
And I’ve learned that when I’m present with whatever I’m doing, I rarely feel overwhelmed or stressed.
So, my definition of balance boils down to these two things:
Presence and meaning.
Presence
When you’re focused, in the moment, on a person or activity, you are in balance.
Because there’s nothing else competing for your attention.
You don’t feel like you should be somewhere else.
And you don’t feel overwhelmed because you’re not thinking of all the things.
You only see what’s in this moment.
And when you move on from that moment, you feel good because you gave it your full attention.
I recognize now that presence is a choice.
You have to choose, in the moment, to be in the moment and nowhere else.
When you don’t decide to be present, your attention is pretty much guaranteed to wander to the past or future.
You’ll then feel worried, regretful, forgetful, guilty, or anxious.
Multi-tasking is a good example of not being present.
It leaves you feeling incomplete, unaccomplished, and scattered.
Which isn’t balance at all.
I think a good example of the importance of presence to achieve balance is tree pose in yoga.
To balance on one leg in tree pose, you need to bring your full attention to the pose.
You need to be present.
If your mind wanders to tomorrow or yesterday or why your left leg is wobbly, then your tree will likely come crashing down.
Meaning
Although I left my job in search of something more meaningful, I don’t believe you don’t have to take such a drastic step to find meaning.
Meaning, like presence, is a choice.
You can choose to see pretty much anything as meaningful, if you’re open minded and willing.
And when you feel like you’re spending your time on something meaningful, you feel more fulfilled, and therefore more balanced.
You can find meaning in washing dishes, taking your daughter to karate, or even in a job you don’t seem to particularly like.
And where there’s meaning, there’s satisfaction, and maybe even joy.
Decades ago, I read the book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” by Steven Covey.
What’s always stuck with me from that book is the Big Rocks exercise, and he used to perform this exercise at his live events.
He would fill a container about half way with small pebbles.
And then he’d ask someone from the audience to place several Big Rocks on top of the pebbles, so that everything would fit in the container.
Each of the Big Rocks were marked with something meaningful to that person.
Work, kids, vacation, me-time…
Of course, she couldn’t fit all the meaningful Big Rocks in after the pebbles (which represented busy, less important stuff.)
But…
Then he’d give her an empty container and ask her if she could find another way to make it ALL fit.
And then she’d discover that the only way to fit it all in, is to place the Big Rocks first.
I think that’s one great example of how to create balance.
Plan all the meaningful things first.
Keep moving forward,
Debbie
P.S. Are you feeling like your life is out of control? Do you want to define and create a better balance in your life? I can help you do that. Send me an email (debbie@debbieharbeccoaching.com), and we’ll find a time to talk.