I wrote a post this week on my FB page.
It was about being frustrated with others.
And it’s a feeling we’ve all experienced.
Because no one is immune to what others say/do/don’t say/don’t do.
But…
We do have a choice in how we respond.
Your response is your responsibility.
When you take things personally, you create drama.
The drama is happening in your mind.
It’s a thought that you’re having about what their behavior means in relation to you.
And the truth is that there are an infinite possibility of thoughts you could have about it.
It’s not black or white.
So, the fact that you have drama around it, actually has nothing to do with the other person or their behavior.
And it has everything to do with your specific thoughts, feelings, and expectations about them.
For example, let’s say you’re receiving family for the holidays…
And you’ve taken on the responsibility for not only receiving everyone, but also the cooking and baking.
(Maybe you can relate?)
But…
You don’t feel “in the spirit.”
I mean, you did all the work.
And no one offered to help, and very few uttered a “thank-you.”
You feel unappreciated, taken for granted, frustrated, and even resentful.
You wonder, “What’s wrong with these people?!”
Don’t they see all the work you’ve done?
Now, before I go further, I’m not saying that “these people” are perfect and that their behavior is the best.
But, what I want to say is that your feelings about their behavior are based on your thinking and your expectations, and not about the actual people.
Your thoughts of, “I did all this work and no one seems to care,” or “For once, I just want someone else to do this instead of me,” are actually to blame for the drama.
What?
Did I say you’re actually to blame?
Well, kind of.
Because it’s your thoughts and expectations that are creating your feelings, and therefore your drama, in this situation.
And, depending on your character, you might explode.
Or, you might push those emotions down and feel even more resentful.
But either way you haven’t dealt with your drama.
You’ve just put the blame on other people.
Peace over drama
So, here’s an idea to bring you more peace, and less drama…
When you notice yourself feeling resentful or unappreciated, stop.
Feel the sensation in your body.
Is it an ache in your chest, an upset stomach, a tight throat… ?
And then notice what you’re thinking about the other person that’s leading to you feeling this way.
And then sit with that thought.
Notice that it’s just a thought.
And maybe, if you could see the situation from the other’s point of view, your thought would be different.
And maybe, you can also realize that there were other choices you could have made to avoid the drama…
- Could you have asked for more specific help?
- Could you have decided not to take on the cooking, baking, and/or receiving this year?
- Could you have taken on the task with love and without expectation?
Look, I know this stuff isn’t easy.
And it’s common to feel this way and go into mind drama.
I do it, you do it, we all do it.
But I just want you to consider that there’s another way.
A way of avoiding mind drama, and avoiding it escalating into family drama.
You don’t have to feel resentful or frustrated.
All you need to do is be honest with yourself, and make a new choice.
Because you always have a choice.
And although the choice doesn’t seem easy, it’s still a choice.
Of course, I picked a specific holiday example here, but you can use it for whatever relationship drama you find yourself in.
The steps are:
- Be aware of the negative emotion, and name it if you can
- Feel it in your body
- Notice the thought(s) that you think caused you to feel this way
- Look at the situation as if you were in the other person’s shoes
- Realize what you could have done/thought/said differently
- Make a new choice when you can
Do you spend too much time in drama?
If you notice that you’re spending a lot of your time thinking of what others have done to you/not done for you….
Then you’re in drama.
And chances are you’re not feeling good a lot of the time.
You’re probably exhausted and stressed.
And you might be using a vice to soothe yourself, like food, alcohol, shopping, smoking, Netflix,…
And that might be making you feel worse.
You feel stuck in a cycle.
So, it’s time to stop.
Stop cycling in your drama and see that there’s another way.
And it’s under your control.
You just need to make a new choice.
And keep moving forward,
Debbie
P.S. Do you want to let go of DRAMA and feel more peaceful? I can help you.
Join me for my 6-month Midlife and Menopause Coaching Program… Start by booking a free consultation 🙂