Losing weight can be a one-time thing.
Like after you’ve had kids, or losing the perimenopause belly.
But often, it’s a life-long thing.
Where it feels like most of your life you’ve been on some sort of diet, cleanse, workout routine…
All in the name of losing weight.
When it feels like a constant struggle, the struggle becomes part of you.
Your identity actually becomes that of someone who always “needs to lose weight.”
So, no matter how much action you take, you may not get results.
Until you shake this identity.
Because subconsciously, it’s holding you back.
When you identify as someone who needs to lose weight, you remain that person.
Even if you don’t want to.
It’s biological.
Your brain is steering you towards what you believe and identify with.
It’s kind of like social media and Google showing you ads of things you consistently search for.
So, if you’re consistently focused on weight, even if it’s weight loss, your brain will keep offering you ideas around that.
In that way, weight becomes part of your identity.
For example, for most of my life, I identified myself as a shy person.
I couldn’t speak in front of people.
And I definitely couldn’t teach a class or lead a group of any kind.
It was to the point that, when it came to choosing what to study, I chose engineering rather than education or medicine, because I thought I couldn’t interact with others.
I was too shy, felt like I was too awkward, and didn’t feel like anyone would listen or follow my lead.
And that belief, about who I thought I was, held me back in life.
Until I was 40.
That was the year I took a leap.
I began to challenge my shy-dentity.
It wasn’t easy, because being shy felt like a fact of who I was.
I didn’t know who I’d be without it.
But I knew that if I wanted to progress into the field of fitness, and eventually coaching, I needed to challenge my “I’m-just-a-shy-person” ways.
We all have identities built on old stories about ourselves.
Some stories work for us, and others don’t.
As a coach, because I work with women in mid-life who want to get fit and lose weight, I deal with people’s stories daily.
I recognize that weight loss is a life-long struggle for many women.
And therefore, one of the stories I hear most often is, “no matter what I do, I can’t seem to lose weight.”
It may not feel like a story, but it is.
Weight, like my shyness, are not facts set in stone.
They’re just manifestations of the stories we’ve been telling ourselves.
So how can you let go of that “I-need-to-lose-weight” identity and move forward as someone who isn’t consumed by weight?
I’ll share with you a few things you can try.
Things that have worked for me and several of my clients.
Make your vision glorious
We’re all afraid to fail, to some degree.
And this fear holds us back from creating an exciting, shiny vision for our lives.
But if you’re going to create a new identity, you’ve got to have a vision for what life will look like when you get there.
If you don’t have a vision, it’s like you’re on a road trip without a map.
When I did this for the first time years ago, it was hard.
I wasn’t used to thinking about what I really wanted, I seemed to just be going with the flow.
So, I had sit for a long time before ideas started to really flow.
It will probably be a little like that when you create your vision.
To get started, a good question to ask yourself is, “What would my life look like if weight wasn’t something I worried about?”
What would you feel, believe, do, experience?
Here’s your chance to dream.
Release the reigns and allow your imagination really explore that weight-less life.
Notice if your brain tries to interfere with “well, that’s impossible,” or “you can’t do that.”
And thank your brain for trying to keep you safe (because it doesn’t like change.)
Then, continue to dream.
Write down your vision, as crazy as it seems, and don’t judge it.
It may change over time, but for now, be willing to write down what you’ve imagined.
Feel your vision
Having a vision for your weight-less life is the first step.
The second would be to FEEL that vision.
Start by writing down the feelings you believe that vision will give you.
Freedom, excitement, gratitude, fun,…
List a few of them.
And then, each time you think of your vision (ideally a few times a day), attach those feelings to it.
Feel them in your body.
As if your vision was real, right now.
I usually do this as a meditation, where I sit and imagine what I want.
I see it in my mind, and then just start to smile.
Smiling helps bring out the positive emotions about my vision.
And those emotions are what will ultimately make that vision come alive.
Release the anchors
In order to act on your vision, you may have to let some things go.
Habits, thoughts, things, and even people.
All the things that anchor you to the lifestyle that’s weighing you down.
In order to sail to a new shore, you’ve got to release those anchors.
It’s not an easy step.
Sometimes, those anchors live with you, and they can’t be completely released.
But you can loosen their grip through the thoughts you attach to them.
When I wanted to stop being so shy, I had to release my habit of immediately saying no.
I used to say no to anything that involved me speaking to more than one other person.
And I had to embrace saying yes.
Saying yes looked like joining Toastmasters to improve my public speaking, volunteering to teach fitness classes, and leading webinars.
And I also had to let someone go.
A person who I allowed to make me feel small and insecure.
Releasing that anchor really freed me.
Sail forward
Sometimes, on your way to a new destination, you may notice a tendency to focus on what you’re leaving behind.
If you focus there, it’s very hard to move forward.
Turn around.
Look ahead.
Instead of focusing on the things you thought were so great, pull your attention towards what’s going to be great about where you’re going.
The pull of the past can sometimes feel stronger than the draw of the future.
But you have an amazing asset, it’s your conscious mind.
Use it whenever you notice nostalgia kick in.
And start smiling about the amazing opportunities that lie in front of you.
Meditation
As I mentioned above, meditation can be a powerful tool when trying to let go of part of your identity.
I started meditating about fifteen years ago, and I was pretty terrible at it.
I struggled to sit down for even five minutes.
But I’ve been persistent.
And it’s a practice that I now count on, especially when I’m too much in my head about stuff.
It creates space and takes me out of the minor details.
In shifting my identity in overcoming shyness, meditation was key.
It taught me to be less harsh on myself, to breathe through anxiety and stress, and to be ok with what is.
So, starting July 18th, I’m offering a free 21-Day Meditation Challenge.
Especially, but not exclusively, for those who want to lose weight and regain control of their health.
You can join here, and please, pass it on to anyone who could benefit!
It’s less 10 minutes a day for 21 days.
I’ll be doing it live, but I’ll also be sending out the recording for those who can’t make it at 6:30am.
I’m really looking forward to sharing this practice with you.
Keep moving forward,
Debbie
P.S. Here’s the link to join my free 21-Day Meditation Challenge starting July 18th: https://debbie-harbec.lpages.co/21-day-meditation-challenge-2022
P.P.S. Are you ready to let go of needing to lose weight, and actually lose weight? I can help. As a coach, I help you create the thoughts and feelings you need, and let go of those that aren’t working for you.
Curious? Let’s talk… Contact me for a free consultation.
Email me, message me, or book a time to talk through Zoom.