Choosing to be calm

The way I deal with life’s challenges:  I run away from them

Actually I really do, but maybe not in the way it sounds.

When I’m stressed, when I’m faced with difficult decisions, or when life just feels heavy, I’ve learned that going outside for run or walk lightens my load and uplifts me.

Running from my problems makes them seem smaller.

I don’t know why exactly this is… Maybe it’s the endorphins from the cardio, or focusing on something else, or the perspective of the vastness of the outdoor space that I’m running in. It’s probably all the above.

All I know is that it works.

The reason I bring this up is that someone very close to me suffered a severe panic attack recently.

We had to call an ambulance.

Hyperventilation, shaking, numbness in the hands and legs to the point of being unable to move, and choking.

It was humbling.  It was scary.  And it made me feel powerless.

Although this attack didn’t happen to me personally, it hit me hard.

It woke up my own battle with anxiety and really opened my eyes to the fact that so many of us are suffering with it.

So many of us are suffering because of what’s going on in our minds.

Our thoughts.

Your thoughts.

Thoughts. So many thoughts. Always thinking. Thinking. Mindless, unconscious thinking.

Your mind is constantly thinking.

By some estimates, you have about 60,000 thoughts each day, most of which you’re completely unaware of.  And most of which aren’t at all helpful or positive.

Getting caught up in these thoughts, especially if they’re negative, can lead to feeling anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, and depressed.

And sometimes, you get so identified with these unconscious thoughts, they can make you feel like you’re stuck.

Stuck in a limited mind-set, stuck feeling bad, stuck with no choices.

This mental stuck-ness in negativity might even begin showing up in your body.

A tightness in your chest, neck, shoulders or back.  Breathlessness.  Numbness.

An anxiety attack.

And frustratingly, the only way out of stuck-ness is the same way you got in:  your thoughts.

Consciously thinking constructive or encouraging thoughts can actually calm you and get you un-stuck.

Your mind is that powerful.

You have the power to pull yourself out of stuck-ness by getting calm.

Calm – the way I see it – means to choose to activate a larger (or limitless) mind-set.

Here’s how I break it down:

1.  Choose

First of all, to be calm is a choice.

You have to choose to be calm in order to actually be calm.

It’s not that some people are naturally calm and others aren’t.  I don’t believe that.

It may be that some wear their stress and overwhelm on the outside, and others carry it on the inside, but everyone feels stressed and overwhelmed sometimes.  I’s part of being human.

The difference lies in choosing to get calm – inside and out – despite the stress and overwhelm.

2.  Activate

Being calm doesn’t mean just letting everything slide and not caring.

That’s apathy and although it might be tempting, it’s not helpful to anyone.

Being calm requires conscious action.

Consciously choosing to take an action that allows you to better cope with the situation in front of you is where your calm can begin to take root.

This action that you choose must allow you to widen your perspective and help you see a bigger picture.

3.  Larger (or Limitless) Mind-Set

When you get lost in overwhelm and stress, your mind is zoomed in on that.

It’s like that game where you have to guess the object from a picture that shows you only a small, zoomed-in section.

It’s really tough to do!

When you’re highly stressed, your mind-set is allowing you to only see a small part of what’s going on.  Without the rest of the picture to give you perspective, you can experience a lot of frustration, lost tempers, frazzled hysteria, panic…

Instead, you’ve got to actively enlarge your mind-set.  Practice putting space around it. Work on making it limitless.

How can you do this?

Here are some ideas:

• Get quiet and focus your mind on a single thing, like your breathing or a candle. I call this meditation, but you can call it whatever name works for you
• Do some focused or repetitive movement like walking, running, Yoga, Tai Chi, or Chi Gong
• Write out your jumble of frustrations onto a piece of paper, or hammer it out on a keyboard so you can see it on the screen
• Purposely take a minute or two to think about only what’s good in your life, no matter how small
• Take your mind (and maybe even your body) to places that makes you feel happy, light, and free
• Try something creative like painting, drawing, sculpting, designing, gardening, or building
• Take a small step towards what’s scaring you (pay a bill, pack a box, make a doctor’s appointment,…)

There are many paths to calm.

But they don’t appear from nowhere.

They require that you be pro-active.

You’ve got to set your path to calm, and practice it daily so that it becomes the clear and easy choice.

Ultimately how you handle your difficulties comes from what you’ve practiced most often.

If you’ve always been reactive to bad news, turning beat red and screaming  and shouting, then that’s what you’ll do when you get bad news;  or if stress leads you to open the fridge and eat whatever’s in there, then that’s what you’ll do when you feel stressed; or if you get comfort from trying to do everything perfectly, then you’ll continue trying to be perfect to feel comfortable…

Unless you begin to form a calmer path, your deeply ingrained reaction will take over.

For me, I’ve had to put in some practices to ease my own anxiety –  which would frequently show up in the form of severe intestinal distress – by running and walking outside, meditation, and writing.

You’ve got to choose the path that’s right for you, and practice it daily.

So, start with picking just one small action – maybe one from the list I’ve given you above – that you can commit to.

And just begin.

Debbie