Who are your 5 people?

Ever heard this Jim Rohn quote: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”?

When I first heard this, it really opened my eyes.

I saw the truth in it.

Years ago I noticed that my energy was low, and I was stuggling to accomplish what I really wanted.

And a big part of that was that I was surrounded by people with who weren’t supportive or who didn’t understand what I wanted.

My life had become a reflection of their thoughts, beliefs, actions, and circumstances.

And I recognized that needed to change.

I wanted to believe that I could run a marathon, be fit at any age, that I could make money doing work I chose, and that I could dream bigger.

So, I needed to find people who were already doing these things.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

About eight years ago, I stepped out of my comfort zone to start a running group.

It was unintentional at first.

At the time, I’d just started teaching a boot camp fitness class in my neighborhood.

It was very new to me, and to be honest, teaching this class was way out of my comfort zone.

But it got me out and meeting people around my age who wanted to be active.

And then I had a thought: “I wonder if any of these people would like to start running?”

At the time, I was running couple of times a week.

Not fast, or competitive, but I liked running.

I liked the challenge of it, and I liked that it I could do it outdoors without going to a gym and without equipment.

But up until then, I mostly ran alone.

And to be honest, I was losing the motivation to do it.

I didn’t know any other runners in my area, except my partner, but he was too fast for me.

So, I put it out there to my class.

I asked if anyone wanted to train for a 5K.

To my very pleasant surprise, several of them actually said yes.

And a few of them even brought in other people who also wanted to start running.

So, on February 16^th (it was freezing!) ten of us set out on our first “run”.

As most of them had never really run before, we started slow.

We walked for two minutes and ran for one minute, and completed 30 minutes like that.

The week after we did a minute of each.

And then, approximately each week after that, we increased the running by a minute, and kept the walking.

In May of that year, most of the group ran and finishted a local 5K event.

But that wasn’t the most amazing thing.

To me, the most amazing thing was that they wanted to keep running.

I discovered that, like me, they really enjoyed getting together on Saturday mornings for running, and for the social aspect of it too.

It had become fun to run, chat, and laugh together.

So, we continued.

And we even went on to do some fun organized events together like Color Run, Mud Hero, and Spartan.

And now, all these years later, we still run each weekend.

Eight minutes of running and two minutes of walking, for about an hour.

And we even bike sometimes, too (we actually did a 100km ride over this past weekend!)

Now I’m surrounded by an amazing group of middle-aged people like me, who enjoy being active and who have become great friends.

And as a result, I’m still active, and motivated to stay that way.

Make Intentional Moves

I know from that experience, the people around you matter.

It’s even been scientifically proven.

A Harvard researcher, Dr. David McClelland, found that 95% of success or failure in life depends on the people you associate with.

So, if there’s something you want to accomplish like a 5K, or weight loss, or creating a business, or being a great parent, or earning a million dollars…

Find people who do what you want to do.

Intentionally seek these people out.

Last year, I decided to find someone who could help me further my coaching business.

I wanted someone who had grown their business to the level I wanted to get to.

And I was very aware that my old thoughts and habits were holding me back from what I wanted.

So, I found my coach.

And she connected me to a group of people, mostly entrepreneurs like me, who are growing their businesses.

And changing their thoughts and beliefs along the way.

It’s been incredible.

Having people around you, who speak the language you want to speak, immerses you into a new world.

You absorb the thoughts and beliefs that can change your life.

And those people become your people.

Set Boundaries

You tend to be attracted to people who are thinking, believing, doing, and acting like you.

Present-day you.

So, when you want to change something, you purposely have to find people who are likely outside your natural, comfortable circle.

You need to find people who will consistently lift you up, and limit access to people who drag you down.

That means setting boundaries around certain people.

As a coach, I’m that person who’s outside this circle, who helps lift my clients, and also helps them set boundaries that are needed for them to succeed.

These boundaries can look like limiting time with people who hold you back, or learning to be okay with saying “no”, or prioritizing your needs first.

Boundaries aren’t a negative thing.

They clarify for you and others where your limits are, and in turn, that actually helps increase your self-respect and others’ respect for you and your time.

When you set boundaries out of love and caring for yourself, you also significantly decrease the time you spend in resentment, anger, and frustration.

You actually end up with more time for yourself and your pursuits, and more time to spend with those you really want to spend time with.

You increase the probability of surrounding yourself with those that inspire you, as well as those you can inspire.

And by being inspired, and inspiring, you elevate your energy and the energy of those around you.

If we could all elevate our energy in this way, imagine the positive change we could make in this world.

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Are you the average of the people you hang out with?

This can be good or not-so-good depending on what you want.

Finding new people to surround yourself with. so you can reach a goal, doesn’t mean you have to ditch the others in your life.

But it does mean investing more time with those people who inspire you to be the person you want to be.

And less time with those that don’t.

I know this isn’t always easy.

You may be living with those you need to limit your time with.

But ultimately, having clear goals, and being clear with yourself and the people who are closest to you, is the best way to get the important stuff done.

It’s worth it.

Keep moving forward,

Debbie

P.S. I can help you set boundaries make more time for yourself, so you can do the things that matter to you. I’d love to talk… https://calendly.com/debbie-harbec-coaching/free-consultation