We all have urges.
And cravings.
They feel strong, like needs
But they’re only wants.
An urge, in particular, feels like “I have to.”
Like the urge to eat that last cookie, or buy that pair of jeans, or go out for a Starbucks.
I have a frequent urge to procrastinate with Netflix.
When I try to resist the urge, my brain says something like, “But it’ll just be for 5 minutes” or “I’ll watch the end of this episode and then I’ll turn it off.”
My brain is sneaky.
It has a huge URGE to use Netflix to numb me.
Make me comfortable.
And avoid doing the stuff I really want to get done.
Especially tasks that aren’t particularly interesting or clear.
And although this all sounds crazy, even to me…
Urges are normal.
We all have them.
But it’s super important to remember that urges aren’t URGENT.
An urge is just an impulsive thought.
That’s it.
You don’t have to act on it.
You can resist it.
But HOW?
1. NOTICE the urge
When you have an urge (and, believe me, it will feel URGENT), just STOP.
Become aware of what the urge is, and ask yourself, “Why do I want that?”
Your brain may offer up a very childish answer like, “I just do!”
Your brain may even continue to act like a toddler saying, “You can’t tell me what to do!”
As highly developed and miraculous as your brain is, it was programmed mostly when you were just a tiny human.
Your urges and cravings come from long ago.
And may not be useful to you now.
In fact, most likely, they’re harmful to what you really want to do in your life.
So, the first thing to do is to have compassion for yourself, your brain, and understand that it’s just doing its job.
But tell it everything’s ok, you can take over from here.
Notice the urge when it shows up, and DECIDE to be curious about it before acting on it.
Be your own detective.
Look for clues…
Are you sitting in front of the tv, and have a sudden urge to crack open a bag of chips?
Or do you have a sudden urge to eat when someone else around you is eating?
Or did you just see an ad on Facebook for some cute shoes, and now have a strong urge to buy shoes?
Aha!
You, my friend, have uncovered an urge… And a trigger too.
2. Press PAUSE
Breathe.
Pause for at least 2 minutes to NOT act on the urge.
Amazingly, urges do go away with time.
I know it doesn’t feel that way.
But if you can delay the urge, you’ll find it diminishes.
And in order to delay it, feel free to set a timer and sit through it.
Or, get up and do something else.
Just allow the urge to exist without satisfying it.
Yes, it may be uncomfortable, because your brain is protesting.
But you see what your brain is doing and you know that it’s not helping you.
You are in charge now.
3. DECIDE
So, you’ve made it through the two minutes, or the time you set.
But maybe the urge is still there.
What do you do?
You make a DECISION.
A choice.
From a conscious place.
Not from the sudden urge.
Because you’ve given your mind a pause to stop and think.
And from that more aware place, you can make a more aware decision.
So, will you give into the urge?
Or let it go?
And can you be at peace with either choice?
That’s the big question.
4. Choose PEACE
I think this is the most critical step.
You are making a conscious decision, and no matter what you choose, you must choose to accept your choice.
I know that sounds simple, but we all know that it’s not easy…
Accept your choice without regret, without beating yourself up, without the “coulda, shoulda, woulda” arguments…
Accept it.
It’s tough to do, because you’ll always feel that there’s a “right” choice and a “wrong” choice.
And a “wrong” choice can typically lead to self-loathing and self-sabotage.
Which will never benefit you.
So, make the choice, and then be at peace with your choice.
Not right, and not wrong.
And know that you can choose differently next time.
5. REWARD yourself
To reinforce habits you want to adopt, it’s a good idea to keep track of success.
So, if you resist an urge, and you want to continue resisting it, then keep track of that win.
Put a quarter in a jar, or put a sticker in a chart.
Find something that satisfies you.
And then after you get so many quarters or stickers, treat yourself.
Pick something you really want.
Make it special.
Worth the wait and effort.
Do you struggle with urges?
I do.
And putting these steps into practice has helped me.
Especially the pause.
The pause shifts the power from the urge to me.
And while I’m pausing, I like to find a thought or mantra to help me.
One thought I’ve used is “I’m better than this.”
I’m better than another hour wasted on Netflix, or another cookie, or another pair of shoes.
One thought can change everything.
What’s a thought that could get you through an urge?
Keep moving forward,
Debbie
P.S. Are you struggling to resist urges and cravings? I can help.
Using this process combined with coaching, I help my clients make conscious choices instead of giving into impulsive urges.
If you’re curious about how I do can help you do the same, just REPLY to this email (or book a time here) and I’ll set up a free session with you… What have you got to lose?