Are you too attached to the result you want?

I’ve been struggling with this idea lately.

Because, like any business owner, I really want to grow my business.

But I’m realizing there’s a difference between wanting something, and being attached to the result of wanting something.

I mean, can I desire something but be unattached to getting it?

And how does that work?

And for my clients, can they have a strong desire to lose weight and not be attached to that weight loss?

It’s a tough question, but I think I’ve figured some stuff out about non-attachment and desire.

And I’m sharing it with you here…

What is non-attachment?

It’s an idea that comes up in many philosophies.

In Yoga, non-attachment, or Aparigraha, is a Yama (like one of the Ten Commandments.)

And, actually, one of the Ten Commandments actually says “Thou shalt not covet.”

Coveting is attachment.

It’s the attachment to desire.

Coveting says “I must have…”

But desire simply says “I want…”

Maybe you can feel the differenct in your body between these two sentiments.

One feels graspy and icky.

The other feels light and easy.

So, you can desire something, and not be attached to getting it.

But what’s the advantage of that?

Don’t you need to be attached to the desire to actually get yourself into action, and do the things it takes to get there?

Why attachment doesn’t work

The advantage of desire without attachment is that there’s no fear.

No fear of failure, no fear of disappointment.

Because there’s nothing to lose.

You relax, you let go.

Because the problem with fear, is that once it shows up, you stop simply wanting and desiring.

And you start obsessing.

Obsessing is attachment in full bloom.

Obsessing is constantly thinking about what you want, and taking the same actions over and over again, but nothing seems to work.

You’re holding on too tight, afraid to let go and not get what you want.

And it can show up in your body as tight muscles, digestive issues, high blood pressure, back pain, etc…

The problem is that when you obsess, you don’t notice new ideas, people, or opportunities that show up.

Being obsessed blinds you.

How desire works

Contrary to obsessing, desire opens your eyes.

You become aware of what you really want.

Desire gives you a direction, a target.

Have you ever read the poem “Desiderata,” by Max Ehrmann?

The title means “things desired.”

And in this poem, he talks about desiring happiness, and the direction, or steps to take, to get to happiness.

He doesn’t talk about must having it, obsessing about it, or getting it at all costs.

He just talks about the ways to happiness.

Desire is the way.

So, what do you desire?

What if you could have, or be, or do anything, what would it be?

Let yourself dream.

That’s something we rarely allow ourselves the luxury of doing.

Dreaming.

But without dreams, how can you desire?

And without desire, how do you really know what you want?

And if you don’t know what you want, how do you know where you’re going?

Imagine your dream is to live in a house by the ocean.

If you allow it, that dream can become a desire, and then a want.

You want to live by the ocean.

You aren’t attached to it, you don’t have to have it.

You just want it.

You allow yourself to think about, imagine it, pretend in your mind that you’re living there.

Pretend, like you used to do when you were a kid.

And then with that image in mind, you may just start to plant the seed of belief.

You start to believe it can be true.

And then you’ll start to notice things happening.

Like an old friend sends you a message from Costa Rica, and she tells you about the great real-estate market there.

Coincidence?

I don’t think so.

It’s like when you’re thinking of someone and then they suddenly send you an email or call you up.

I don’t believe that’s coincidence.

There’s more at play.

More than we know.

All I know is that it happens effortlessly.

It comes from the dream, which becomes a desire, then you confirm it’s something you want, and then you allow yourself to imagine it, smell it, hear it, and be with it in your mind.

And then things start to show up: People, funds, ideas, opportunities.

Without desperation, grasping, controlling, or restricting.

Without making it mean you’re a failure if it doesn’t happen.

Just being completely unattached to the outcome.

How do you not get attached?

Just allowing your desire to exist, and allowing yourself to hold it in your mind without the fear of not getting it.

I know maybe this sounds esoteric or woo-woo.

But I’ve seen in action.

I get asked “What should I/shouldn’t I eat to lose weight?” or “What exercise will flatten my belly?”

And I feel, in my body, the energy of attachment of those questions.

They come from a place of wanting to control, or “I must have.”

They want to control the exact way things should play out, to get the exact result.

And I really get that, because as a coach, I can fall into the same trap.

Part of me just wants to give my clients answers, because I’m feeling attached to their success too.

But I know that giving them answers doesn’t work.

Because answers are just information, not action, and I can’t control them, or make them do anything.

Instead, I encourage them to dream.

Dream about what they really want, and why that’s important to them.

I want them to have a vision of their lives that motivates them beyond the number on the scale, or their pant size.

And when they can do that, they stop feeling the need to get to that number result.

And, ironically (or not), that’s when things start to happen.

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Have you ever felt attached to getting something you really wanted?

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I notice my mind is resistant.

It resists the idea that I should let go of attachment.

Because my mind is thinking that if I really want something, I should just muscle my way through and get it.

I should get really attached to that result.

But when I really look at my life, some of the best things showed up when I wasn’t attached.

One time in particular was when I met Albert, my love, my partner.

The first time I met him, which was completely by chance, I had a desire to see him again.

But I didn’t have his number, I didn’t try to find out where he lived, and I didn’t feel desperate to find him.

I just kept him in my mind.

I imagined I’d see him again.

And it happened, I bumped into him a few times after that, in different places.

Until finally we exchanged numbers, and the rest is history.

Seems like coincidence, bumping into him all those times, but I don’t think it was.

I believe it was something more.

Call it vibration, universal energy, spirit or God.

There’s something more, and we have no control over how it works.

Our part is to allow that spark of desire that starts the whole process.

Without being attached to what it will bring you.

And then be aware and open to all that shows up.

Keep moving forward, my friend.

Debbie

P.S. As a coach, I’m here to help you get results. Without attachment. If you’d like, we can get on a call and talk about it. You can find my availability and book a free call at www.momentum-fit.ca/book-a-session.

P.P.S. Want to try Yoga? Send me an email, and you can try a class for free. I’ll send you a link that you can use to join the class of your choice. And it’s never too late to sign up, 10 weeks of Yoga starts when you do.