When the shit hits the fan.
When things REALLY don’t go as planned
When life gets really hard.
It seems like everything is spinning out of control.
And it feels like it’s all happening TO you.
Like life is out to get you.
And you want to just curl up in a ball (physically or metophorically), and shut the world out.
Getting out of “Why me?” energy
I felt like this when my mom died, shortly after my first daughter was born.
And I felt like this when my relationship fell apart after ten years, and I went through divorce.
And then there have been less painful, but equally out-of-my-control events…
Like losing my job, getting into a car accident, and, of course, covid.
You’ve also had these types of events happen in your life too.
The ones that seem to be happening TO you.
The ones that have you asking, “Why me?”
And it’s fine to ask yourself that question… At first.
But when you stay in “Why me?” energy for too long, you may get stuck there.
Stuck in a past that you can’t seem to get over.
But you CAN get over it.
And it starts by asking yourself a different question.
Instead of “Why me?” or “Why is this happening TO me,” try asking “How could this be happening FOR me.”
It may sound absolutely ridiculous at first.
When I think of my mom dying, how could I possibly think that her death happened FOR me?
But there is something there.
A spark of hope.
A glimmer of light.
When I finally asked myself “How could that have happened FOR me?”, I thought of all the positive things I did BECAUSE she died.
Of course, I wish she was still here.
But there are positives that came into my life because she wasn’t here.
I immediately focused my energy on being a present mom to my new baby, inspired by my mom’s example, and knowing she wasn’t there, physically, to support me.
And I decided to follow my passion for health and fitness, one that I would have just left behind if her death didn’t show me how fragile and short life is.
When you get out of “Why me?” energy, you come back to life.
And you realize that there’s always something beautiful that arises from tragedy.
Like flowers that push their way up through the pavement.
Life goes on.
But if you stay stuck, you miss it.
You don’t see the beauty.
You only see what’s missing.
How is this happening FOR you?
Are you willing to consider how it could be happening FOR you?
This shows up a lot when I’m working with my clients.
Because we all sometimes get stuck in the feeling that life has dealt us a bad hand.
And we don’t understand why.
We don’t realize that we’re repeatedly asking ourselves, “Why me?”
And that that question is keeping us frozen in place.
We wonder why we’re stuck in a body we don’t like, or a relationship that doesn’t work, or a job that drains our joy.
So, with my clients, I turn the tables on them.
I ask, “How could this be happening FOR you?”
It’s a simple question.
But we don’t often think about it.
Maybe because it sounds wrong, in certain circumstances, to think of the positive.
Or maybe because there’s something so familiar and comfortable about wallowing in our own misery.
However, when we get the courage to answer this new question, everything can change.
New answers and new possibilities present themselves.
New conversations start happening.
New people start to show up.
And pretty soon, those who had been so used to seeing us struggle, are amazed at the shift in us.
Get stronger through struggle
As humans, we’re wired to go through struggle.
Not to remain stuck in it.
Our nature is to learn and grow.
Struggle gives us the opportunity to do both.
To learn and to grow.
And when we do, we get stronger.
Without struggle there would be nothing to learn from or push through.
When we continuously ask, “Why is this happening TO me?”, we stay stuck in struggle.
And it’s exhausting and painful, because there’s no answer to satisfy that question.
But, when we’re willing to see how this could be happening FOR us, we can flourish.
We can get stronger.
And then we can get to a place where we feel feelings like accomplished, and strong, and proud.
We all want to feel those good feelings.
In fact, those feelings are the big goals of most of my clients.
Because it’s not really about the number on the scale, or the diet, or exercising 5 times a week, or fitting into your old jeans.
It’s really about the feelings you believe those things will bring you.
It’s about feeling accomplished, strong, and proud.
It’s what we all want to feel.
But it requires the willingness to move through struggle.
And therefore the willingness to answer the question, “How is this happening FOR me?”
Can you see how something you’re struggling with right now is happening FOR you?
It’s a powerful question to ask yourself when you feel powerless.
Just answering it can elevate and empower you.
But I know it’s a tough question.
And you don’t always want to go there.
Especially if the pain is fresh.
Have compassion for yourself if that’s the case.
Allow yourself to feel the pain.
But also recognize when it’s time to move on.
You’ll know because your health, your relationships, or your work may be affected.
Then, ask yourself the question.
And keep moving forward,
Debbie
P.S. Looking to break through your struggle and feel strong, accomplished and proud? Let’s talk, I can help. Book a time for a conversation with me here: https://calendly.com/debbie-harbec-coaching/free-consultation